A time when I knew it was God was when the world, as I knew it, was kicked to the curb and in a sense, I became homeless. Not that God hadn't provided a roof for me to lie under, but it was far from a "home." I felt too old and far too many times I had crawled back to my parents home. So I sucked it up and faced what God had for me, on my own.
Not only had this ignited a flame of hatred and disgust shining brightly in the vessel of my soul, but I was afraid. Could I face this on my own? Would I get through this and remain sane and free (from crime) on the other side? I didn't know for sure, but I knew I had to try. All I knew is that God had brought me to it, and that meant He would bring through it.
Days, I worked hard. Saving every penny I could. My socializing was work and helping others when I could. Nights, I cried myself to sleep and prayed that God would remove the black hole of unforgiveness and despise from my soul. Never before had this been done to me. Never had man forsaken me so. So much so that I desired to make my transgressor suffer, severely.
Time passed and with each day, the pit of darkness in my soul got smaller and smaller. Until one day, it closed. And I knew it was nothing but God, because no one knew what I was enduring BUT God and my parents, praying parents.
See, when we look to others to be the supplier of our grace and mercy, we always come up short. Man is unable to forgive the way God does. Man cannot see past that moment when we fall short, or don't "fit" the mold they've created for us. Man cannot heal wounds deeply embedded in our spirits...the way we think, what we feel, what our character strengths and weaknesses are...only God can do that. Our faith in and on Him teach us how to move past mans falsities and seek Him first....and when we are down and out, our faith is what gives us strength to keep going despite circumstance.
I know my situation my not be dramatic or over the top, but its simplistic in the sense that you can see God through the earthly dwellings and misteps. Its evident that my flesh had grown weak and tired, but my spirit remained in tact and strong...and through my spirit, I was able to come out of my circumstance.
He never leaves us nor forsakes us, we just loose sight of Him sometimes. But we're never alone. And remember the teacher is always silent during the exam.
Peace for the Journey
